Building The Spiritual House

Building the Spiritual House

By Richard B Walker

Prologue

When I was young at Prep School I used to feel things. These things drowned out the content of the lesson and I was branded slow and put on report.

Later I thought it was God . But no teacher wanted to talk about God in the early 1970's including the religious education teacher. My only relief from this noise was walking in the beautiful New Forest where I had stillness and nature with me.

I hope you enjoy my book.

Read and Feel

Open your mind and your heart and dip into my book. See what your mind knows, see how your heart feels and let the Holy Spirit come to you. It may be a difficult journey but know that if you seek the truth and the love with all your heart. You will find the truth and the love for your whole life...

Index

Fact or Fiction?

Page 3 The Aircraft Pilot Fiction

Page 4 Andrew Fiction

Page 6 Beginners Proverbs Fiction

Page 8 Character and Personality Fiction

Page 10 Charlotte and Francis Fiction

Page 14 Conversations with my Saviour Fiction

Page 16 Desperate Plea Fiction

Page 18 Dinner Time Fiction

Page 19 Follow truthful Path Fiction

Page 21 God’s Gift Fiction

Page 22 James and Alva Glen Fact

Page 25 My Love Fact

Page 26 Religious Things Fiction

Page 27 Suppress Fiction

I think they are all fact somewhere and at some time. The people I draw are real people I think.

Aircraft Pilot

"It was like he was an aircraft pilot. He had dropped his bombs but the flak had caused serious damage to the aircraft, Part of the cockpit had blown away leaving air and sunlight to flood in. He was flying low and slow. The fuselage rattled eerily, all the crew were silent and of the same mind. They just wanted to get home .

The port engine was belching black smoke, but it had done so for the last hour and it had been no better or worse than this. The pilot was just glad to be alive and flying over English countryside. The sunlight warmed his dirty and battle scarred face. This was a powerful machine. It will get us home. All were humble and expectant. They knew now they would get home. They would land safely. "

Andrew 1995

It should have been a normal working day. But Andrew should have seen it coming. Up late as usual down to the station. Why did he have to live so far from the city? His work was so boring he hated it. But there was little he could do about it at the moment. Having received the ticket he was bought back to the present by a loud shout coming from behind him, it came from the Kiosk. The man shouted again. This reminded him of a childhood experience when his father had shouted at him while he was playing in the garden. In the same way he had come back to the present then, and for some reason all the flower heads in the patch of earth were ripped from their storks. What had he been thinking? The man beckoned him over more quietly now. Andrew walked lazily back to the Kiosk.

"Don't you remember me?" said the man.

"No" Said Andrew.

"Yes you do" The man said." Who could forget the times we had" He drew closer to Andrew and whispered with some familiarity. " There is a new job going down".

"Go away Sod Off.” said Andrew swinging around sharply. The man in the kiosk looked embarrassed and bowed his head. Andrew really could not remember him from anywhere. In the course of the next five minutes Andrew stared fixedly at the rail track. He looked round once at the kiosk. The man gave him a knowing look. He looked hurt and rejected. Andrew knew he was distracting him from his work because other passengers were waiting at the kiosk to be served.

Oh well here was the train! nice and early that’s unusual Andrew thought. From inside the train he looked back at the kiosk. The man had gone another had taken his place. Andrew liked the train it was fast and smooth. One hour he thought from station to station. I will settle down and rest Andrew thought. He shut his eyes and leaned his head against the window.

Andrew never woke again. The train derailed south of Birmingham. There were no obvious signs of derailment and the accident investigators could not determine why it happened. It was a complete mystery. There were a few survivors the man from the kiosk was one of them. At the trackside he looked at Andrews body. You cannot come back to make amends thought the man, he has you now. A small tear ran down the side of his face.

Beginners proverbs 2009

With knowledge comes responsibility

Love comes unexpectedly to change our world

Love comes suddenly to change our world

Do not be angry. Do not go hungry.

In humility we are accepted in pride we are rejected

Once its out it has already been said.

Its like after war there is no resilience left all are tired. Tired of everything no belief or hope left

No longer care what's right. They don't want to feel anymore.

You know what made this country great? Brutal father's and gentle mothers

Jesus should be in your heart not on your shopping list.

With life comes love,

There is never a road better traveled than through the heart.

You should have a moral conscience just like me has.

Why does nobody ever talk about the music in your head and how to change it?

Why does nobody ever talk about unrequited love and how it changes you?

A man should make love to one woman all his adult life she must be his wife, don't you know?

They are fed full of feeling their love has grown cold they have no strength left. They will not stand the test of time, indeed their end time has come.

The love of many will grow cold. They won't feel anymore they are weak ineffective have no stamina, will run and hide more often than not. They are bullies denied a victim. They think they are nothing have no destiny. Dull to change. Just marking time waiting till the end. Perhaps their desensitized minds will feel something then. They have tried every other sensory desire but nothing moves them nothing changes them. Oh when will this boredom end? They say give me something that stimulates me even if I die. Like the pigs with demons running over a cliff. For now I wallow in my own slurry till that day.

The meanderings of an unfettered mind. Is this?

If you get the spirit right miracles will happen.

Pray for a miracle.

I need a healing that goes beyond pain. Lord come to me in my distress. I am so weak all day long.

Be that still pool for people and learn to be less selfish always.

My name is love his name is knowledge. He knows to love and I love to know.

Music is perfect for its purpose.

In life aches and pains come and go.

Dear God ,thank you for all you give us. Please help us to remember the needs of others.

Amen

For the sake of Christ's sorrowful passion, he died for me.

;

For the sake of the sorrowful passion Have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Praise the lord, God give me strength and humility.

Character and Personality 26th April 2012

We are only justified by faith. Works are the response of our character to our calling that was by faith. As that we see the significance of the death of Jesus on the cross for our own resurrection, we are then justified. Our response is our works not the fulfilment of our justification. Our justification leads to everlasting life the avoidance of death in hell. Who cannot want this for themselves?

So those that reject the divinity of Jesus and hold onto their own strength for justification they reject this free gift of life. If not they believe that they are just obliterated after death that they are no more. That their character does not continue does not have influence. Their personality dies with the body and does not exist anywhere elsewhere. If I am not hurting anyone then I am justified. But the die has been cast it was before they were born.

No man comes to life in this world with a clear conscience. All he can do is be humble and work his way back to God not by works but through justification. Your response to the Gospel of our Lord is key to this justification. As is our life on earth, a man who came first to the Lord has the same gifting as the man who came last to the Lord. But didn’t we work harder with our faith than the man who received it in his last days? Friend we should not be unhappy that a man comes to the Lord in his last days he has after all come to the Lord. And don’t you want that for all mankind?

While a man is alive there is always a chance of repentance and salvation. He can come within these grace times at any time in his life but come he must, for otherwise the gate will be closed on him and he will be cast out into utter darkness. For those that have the greater gifting more will be demanded. They are not to rest on their laurels indeed they are justified by faith, but they enter heaven behind others who have only just missed the flames by a small margin. No one can be proud no man can Lord it over others with false piety. For he who stands firm to the end shall be saved. As those who do not reject their calling in the end times, for all must enter heaven with the attitude of a child of innocence and unknowing. As there was none born of woman greater than John the Baptist and even he is the least of those in the kingdom of heaven.

We who are justified by faith must be ever humble and innocent of our calling to the Lord. As then heavenly justification shall be given. We shall take our place in the many rooms in our father’s house. Where praise and worship continue, and God is raised up in worship. Our character and personality carry on for that is precious to our God.

Charlotte and Francis a play 1995

Scatty Mumsey & Charlotte are living together in their own world in their large family home. Francis is the same but lives apart from his family. All had money given in inheritance. Francis does many things with money but cannot handle it and blows the lot. All three meet at the family home a year later. To catch up on things. Though first we see Francis alone and all he has is a big coat. He has nearly finished his bottle of whiskey. We see him searching through rubbish bins for food. Then he sits on a park bench. Later they are all in the large house in the living room with sofa and two chairs. Mumsey sits on a sofa. Charlotte and Francis both have chairs. In the middle there is a table and a bottle of whiskey and glasses. Mumsey is having a drink poring the whiskey from the bottle. “Now your father and I have decided that because you both have a large inheritance coming to you when you are twenty-one, we will give you some money now.” Francis slurps his drink and Charlotte looks disapproving on. “Stop that Francis.” Francis looks behind him to the left and to the right as if to say who me? Charlotte giggles a frivolous laugh.“We have decided to give you £100,000 to do with as you wish.” Charlotte's eyes stare at her mother while Francis continues slurping his drink.

Mumsey “And what about you?” She says to Francis slightly hesitating.

Francis “That's none of your business. Its about time I got hold of some of this families fortune and not before time!” Silence Mumsey looks stern. After a while Charlotte giggles. Francis picks up his mobile phone. “Is that Charlie? Okay I'm ready.” He puts his phone away and stares at Mumsey. “As much as I like a cosy family gathering, I have to go.” He puts his jacket on and leaves the room. Taking the bottle with him Charlotte gets up and follows him. Mumsey tries to stop her but remains seated. Francis is outside the house and in his friend’s car.

Charlotte opens the front door. “What's up Frankie where are you going?”

Francis “What does it look like? I am leaving this dump.”

Charlotte “But Frankie”

Francis”You know what you live in a dream world. You Mum and Dad are not living in the real world. I am going to live with real people Charlie and his mates. He knows how to live.”Charlie Revs the engine and speeds of into the distance with Francis. Charlotte stands outside the door and looks amazed.

One year later all three meet up in a night club. Mumsey is at the bar Charlotte is dancing somewhere. Francis sees his mother and walks towards her in a casual manner. Mumsey tries not to pay attention until Francis taps her on the shoulder with bottle in hand. Francis “Hello Mumsey”

Mumsey “I have nothing to say to you.” She turns away again.

Francis “I just thought you would like to know how well I have done with your money. Well you remember Charlie? He set me up in plastics. I have a house in the city and travel round the world in my job. Charlie says we will be buying a factory soon.”

Mumsey turns around sharply. “Charlie? Charlie Parker? The one who was caught embezzling money and diverting arms to Iraq? The one who has convictions as long as my arm including drugs prostitution and bank fraud. To think that a son of mine would get involved with the likes of Charlie Parker!”

Francis “At least he knows how to live! You are going nowhere in dingy suburbia.

Mumsey “Francis what has happened to you?” Charlotte appears recognises Francis and stops dancing. She listens to their conversation. “I suppose I am going to have to pick up the pieces when your dreams come to nothing. Come on Charlotte I think it’s time we left.”

Charlotte “Frankie!”

Mumsey “And you're the one living in a dream world not me” Brief pause as everyone stares at each other.

Charlotte “Look I do miss you Frankie, but you have changed. Ever since you had the money.”

Francis “So what have you done with your money then?

Charlotte “I have saved it for when I get married “

Francis “To Bill?”

Charlotte “No “Francis laughs.

Francis “Oh dotty lotty!” Mumsey makes to leave Charlotte looks at her mother.

Charlotte “I miss you Frank” Francis turned his head changes mood.

Francis “I miss you too! “Charlotte walks up to Francis with a card in her hand.

Charlotte “Frankie look this really helped me I want you to have it. Come home, soon won't you?” Francis takes the card stares briefly at it and puts it in his trouser pocket. He walks away.

A year has passed. Francis is alone and lives on the streets. All he has is the clothes he wears, and a large coat crammed with bits and pieces. The bottle is placed on a park bench near the litter bins. Francis sits on the bench. After a while he reaches for the bottle. We hear the familiar slurp. “I relied on you Charlie now look at me. You were the one who had the dream now look at you all shot up by the fuzz in a bank raid. Francis pulls something indescribable out of his coat pocket. He stares at it and places it in his mouth. He then looks at the rubbish bin. He goes through the rubbish bin and finds a carton containing left over chicken drum sticks. Of which he chews the last scraps of meat. He then throws the carton back in the bin. Gets up takes the bottle and starts slurping the drink. “Charlie you Sod” he whispers then louder “Charlie you sod!” Shaking his head, he sits down and pulls out a plastic bag containing white powder. He tries to open the bag but tears it and the contents fall on his clothes and on the ground. Francis breaks down. We hear him sobbing and screaming with his head in his hands. After a short time, Francis stops. Looks inside the pocket of his coat. He finds the card given by Charlotte.

Francis stared at the card and read aloud from it. “When the world started man and God were really good friends and nothing got in the way of their relationship. But one day man decided he couldn't care less and threw something into the tube” There was a cartoon character shown throwing rubbish into a tube, Gods clean tube. “Soon the friendship was broken because the tube was cluttered up with rubbish.” Francis stops here and stares at the rubbish bin. “They no longer spoke and it broke Gods heart. Then God disguised himself as a man”. Francis repeats this and ponders thoughtfully for a moment. “In this way man meets God. But because of his sin.” To which Francis retorts “sin, sin! My sin! “He stands up wanders about he looks back at the bottle and the rubbish. He calms down and sits on the bench. “My sin! Man, murdered God but God is resurrected. Later man met God again and all the rubbish in the tube had gone and God said. How about turning around?” Francis turned the card over. There really was a man nailed to the cross. He took with him all the rubbish between mankind and God when he was murdered. His name is Jesus.” Francis ponders again for a moment then starts to empty his coat into the bin. “Charlie! Jesus! Where are you now Charlie? But who do I see? “He looks at the card. “Rugby Christian Fellowship.” That's near home he puts his bottle in the bin and smiles. I'm going home.

Set scene in large house six months later in living room. This time drinking cups of tea. Dad was there this time” I knew you would all come around it is the truth you see.”

Charlotte” But why couldn't you have stopped us and told us yourself?”

Dad “Because you had to find out for yourself it wouldn't have meant anything otherwise. It wasn't me that had to tell you it was God in his own way. Any way would you have listened to me? Some things you have to learn on your own.”

Charlotte “That’s true I suppose. It was soon after we last met that I invited Mumsey to the Church and then we all changed. It really did happen like that. Frankie you never told us what happened to the house in the city?”

Francis” Oh Charlie had a claw back clause in the deeds and it wasn't just me that lived there anyway.”

Mumsey “Yes I hear that many were conned by Charlie Parker. You were right about one thing though we were all living in a dream world. It's not Charlie now is it? Francis it's Jesus Isn't it?”

Francis picks up his cup of tea and makes a familiar slurp.

Conversation with my Saviour 09/11/1995

My mind is quiet it is still. But it is blank, there is not a spark of activity it is dull my head is cold. All I see is blankness no depression or elation no cascading thoughts. It is a relevant experience. Why should I disregard these periods? I am watching and waiting. But God is with me.

He makes me content with very little, and I have no recognition in the world. I should not demand recognition. What can I give a man that he has not already got? I am dull and lazy. God help me in my sin.

"Just read Richard read".

Can't you give it to me spiritually?

"You couldn't bear the light."

Hmm, yes you could be right, I am lazy just lazy." "No reach out for me I am still with you."

But you said I could not bear your light.

"Don't you know I will give you only as much as you can bear. I shield my glory from you. So I will not destroy you".

I am willing I think I am.

"You are not, you do not know yourself. You are not strong enough and you are not ready for my glory. You are too much in the self. I see you as you really are. You are inside looking out I am outside looking in . I see all of you. I know all about you".

God help me!

"Yes indeed"

Why are you with me? Why don't you leave me to die?

"Because you called on me once and I showed you my light. Though I have known you always. You did not know me. You humbled yourself to me, that is enough."

Are you interested in me or something?

"Yes I am. You have seen the glimmer of light which many have never seen. I will not leave you now".

How can I learn more of you and receive more of your truth?

"Read my book and uphold my name in your daily life. Always devote yourself to this and you will receive a just and fitting reward".

But others are doing well in life? What of me?

"They don't do well without me. They have received their reward. They do not love me or know me.

Your reward is yet to come. I give you this hope. Loneliness will not attract you in years to come".

Praise the Lord.

"Do well to remember my words. I have to go now to give light to some others like you and to more light you could not bear. Goodbye!"

Desperate Plea 06/10/2014

I have got to tell you something” He said.” Look they are after me. They know I have the answer. They don’t want anyone else to know. I have found out with great suffering. I have lost everything to give you this message today. They will do all they can to stop me you understand? Look at me I am covered in sweat my clothes are rags I am breathless and bloodied. They have sought me through the world. My message is poison to them. They will rip me to shreds when they find me. I have a very dangerous message, are you sure you want to know? As you shall be persecuted like me. But Please I have to tell you I cannot not say. I must tell you with every fibre of my being. I don’t care what happens to me after I have told you. Are you listening to me or do you think I am funny? Do you?

Please! please! Hear what I have to say your lives are in great danger. You must hear what I have to say. Hear what I have to say, or a terrible fate awaits you. I have seen it. Yes, I have, it is your worst nightmare. Think of that and double it. Your destiny is worse than anything you can imagine. Much worse. I have seen it I have. Look how I weep for you, I look mad don’t I? But I am serious. Look they are coming for me. They come in a rush and will wipe the world out you must heed the message you must. I must say it I must!

Jesus is the way the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through Jesus.

Give your life to Jesus right here right now. You must you must I implore you! ---Do it but do it like you mean it now! now please!!! “

Then the flames came down and engulfed them all, but all were saved who heeded the message.

Dinner Time 14/04/12

So, there they were over there in the distance. They hadn't noticed me yet. I was keeping hidden face near the ground. Perhaps they would look in my direction. Oh no I snapped a twig! They looked round. This was too much they headed in my direction. I bolted in the opposite direction. I ran towards the water. It was very deep and fast flowing. I splashed my way in hoping for some cover[RW1] but I lost my footing and was swept away. I struggled to gain my footing, but the current was too strong I tumbled in the water and it poured in my mouth I was struggling for air! I grabbed the bank and saw my pursuers come up to me with some concern. They grabbed my arm and my sister said, " Dinner time Richard!" " We have been waiting for you!” My brother said. "Okay I’m coming!" I said.

Follow Truthful Path 18/02/2005

The idea that knowledge is the panacea on the spiritual path misses the spiritual point. Natural knowledge has always been there it is more a question of returning to it. It is the path of unburdening letting go of vain glories though a child has natural knowledge in abundance. But the world influences the child to lead them away from the spiritual path which is not a stressing and straining to strive for knowledge. But a dealing with the self and its desires. Separate need from want and search the self for destructive motives. Bring them out into the light of truth to be cast into the fire of purging.

Wisdom returns to the man who has broken the barriers and chains of self-deceit. So, what you are left with is original knowledge which is full of communion with God our creator.

Oh, to see myself with God that would be the best thing. Though for Gods fulfillment not my own. I have oneness with God I have returned. And all is well. Knowledge never bought man happiness wisdom is the key which provides the correct course of action to an event. What good is knowledge to the soul? It is a burden in life.

Following Truthful Path; remember saying everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Man has expanded his knowledge of his world in recent centuries making unheard of strides in understanding and improving his standard of living to the point of prehistory’s dream. We now travel faster and further than ever before. We build electronic brains with unimagined power and complexity. We have the tools to probe every area of the world and sample document and wonder and suppose, adding to human consciousness that can now be recorded for the future. Knowledge and wealth are the aim improving a man’s life outside himself. The panacea is the truth in the physical world.

We live through an age of prosperity in the west. Where man’s attention is directed to his environment. To gain knowledge of it to wonder at it and to control it for his purpose. Great things have man done to make his life easier. Deep knowledge of the space around us is obtained. We think outside ourselves, we move easily across the land and can predict its dangers which were apparent in the past and now conquered and suppressed. No man has to start from the beginning again his life's path is mapped out at birth. It is only the nuance that changes. Man, the great conqueror of nature the suppressor of all living things. The realization of past dreams coming alive today. We are courted by the world and its possibilities. To broaden ourselves we accumulate more. We think we like this, we think we know this, we think we are this. After all what else is there? I have gained the whole world but lost my sole. I have been kept busy all the time and I am weary. I am weary? If I have all I need then why am I weary? Now I don't feel when I thought I should. Is there really no good in me? Is that why I am weary?

Should I direct my search the other way? Should I look inside myself? Though it is a frightening place. It is full of feelings and emotions things I do not understand. I do not wish to go there. It means denying my life's work up till now. My conscience is there, and I do not allow it to speak to me. It is irrelevant feeble my weak side. I mean it makes me want to cry. Crying is week isn't it? Well isn't it?

So, what is this thing called love? I felt it once a long time ago. But I banished my feelings and with it went love. I remember I fell in love. My whole world stopped. I felt beaten up inside it was lonely. But I would not accept it rest in it explore it. Oh God what is Love?

“I am Love” said God. “I gave my only son to the world so that all may be saved from the world and its desires and rest in peace with him.

God's Gift 31/12/2010

God's gift to you and me was a substitute for our grief pain and wrong doing. It represents a free gift from the one that really loves us without condition without expectation without expecting any physical thing in return. This hope was designed to heal you of all the pains of life. To restore you and me to justice, to produce in us the person we should be, unadulterated and without a spot of blame, a person with gifts themselves to advance God's work on earth. It will come as a great relief a great enlightenment an exciting event life changing no longer a slave to disorder and wrong, a willing follower of God and his justice living in the world for the good of others who will come also. You will be a bigger a better person. Fulfilled in your desires determined in your hope and operating in grace with positive spiritual protection in everything you do.

There is now no need to fear. Fear is banished to the grave. Where we enter death like small children innocent and humbled by the awe-inspiring greatness of those that we see, the place that we are and the shear love in our hearts. Go forth in the world and shine your love among men. As all you need is what God provides. He defines your time on earth you graciously accept his love and peace. Do the deed make his mark on others bought to you. In a world of massive grace, you are never alone. Remember God is with you, until time is wrapped up and our true being exposed.

James and Alva Glen 04/11/2010

There was a man ahead or was it a fence post? It then moved out of site. The path leads up and beyond. I would be there soon. A while later passing many undulations I saw him ahead of me walking with solid steps up the slope. They did look a little laboured and it turned out he was slower than me.

I am going to pass him then. What should I say just a normal hello will be fine then I can overtake him. I'll give him one of my smiles that has always worked out okay. We were getting closer now. He was well dressed for the walk with blue water proof top and trousers and walking shoes. Better dressed than me. But I had taken of my coat, as I was rather warm. It was raining but it was more cooling than wet. We were about ten yards away now. As he started to climb out of another dip he turned around.

I gave him a friendly wave and smile and said “Hi”. We walked side by side for a short time, which was okay. I said “This is my first time here. Do you come here often?” Embarrassed at what would normally be a chat up line. “Every day “He said. “It’s wonderful up here”. He had a broad Scottish accent that I found hard to understand but that was okay. He didn't mind me asking him to repeat himself to me. “You know my mind is really messed up. My uncle abused me as a child.” He said. “Oh that's terrible that's awful.” I said. That sort of thing never leaves you.” “I hear these bad voices my mind is so screwed up “. He said. “Really?” I said. “I think it’s important you get some good voices in your mind.”

It was much easier to talk to him now. We had broken the ice. We walk over more stiles and he showed me the route and I followed him. “You know there is so much pain and suffering in this world, unimaginable pain and suffering. We all have our cross to bear our thing we need to sort out. In my case my wife left me for a much older man a hairdresser and took our son with her. She never gave me any warning. She just sat me down one day and said she was leaving me. That was the worst thing. I really loved my wife.” I said. “Oh “Then he mumbled something. “You know these voices you get. Do you write any of it down? “I said. “No, I'm not very good at writing.” He said.” I was always in the bottom class at school. “No school wasn't a good experience for me either.” I said. “I was put in the bottom class for English, but my parents intervened and moved me up a class. I did better at Math’s I had an excellent teacher. In my day school was designed for twenty percent of the population who were good at academics. The rest of us weren't catered for “I was good at Art” he said. “So was I.” I said. “But it wasn't encouraged”. “Now I am so messed up there is something wrong with my brain. “He said. “But I love coming here. Just to warn you it really starts to get steep here.” “Well I'll follow you.” I said. “I hope I don't fall on you”.

It was a steep decent and undulating. It was just getting steeper and steeper. But soon he was getting well ahead of me as I was unused to the ground. The grass was quite long and very slippery in places. I think I lost my footing twice as we approached a fast running stream. He had already crossed and directed me to jump over. It was at least one and a half metres and I lacked the confidence. “I think I'm going to chicken out here.” I said. I saw further upstream. There was a large stone I could step on. I made my way up there. When I got up there it still looked too wide. I pointed first at the stone then at the bank and said. “I am going to step on there and there. “I said. I made the first step and jumped from the stone to the bank. I was over the stream. He caught me before I could fall back. We both smiled and continued on our walk. “Are you local?” I said. “I've lived in Alva all my life.” He said, “You do a lot of walking have you stayed out overnight?” I said. “Yes, I have taken a tent pots and pans. You can be out here in these mountains for months.” He said. “You must get really close to nature.” I said. “Yes, you start to feel closer to God.” He said. “You talk to the stags and catch and eat rabbits it's wonderful out here. “You know this is what we should all do “I said “The world is in a complete mess. And we need to rediscover ourselves through nature.” Again, more smiles and we continued walking.

It was a very steep decent again whilst I was finding my footing my companion had raced ahead. Down in the valley was breathtaking views of the river almost completely white with rocky islands that constant noise as the heaviness of the water bashed against itself and the rocks. Where the water was still it was mirror like or dark from the hard rock beneath. The land complimented the water by being constantly quiet. But with many colours and textures at angles with the fern’s heather and path, diving around me as I somewhat tentatively passed by. Sometimes I had to sit and point a foot at hard ground to make myself steady. At first, I was unsure how slippery the surface was. My companion had gone on ahead. Now much faster than when he was climbing the mountain. He was well used to the terrain. I was not but I was doing my best. I caught up with him. “You're like a mountain goat”. I said. “I’m not used to this terrain.” More smiles and we continued walking. I found the best way to stay upright was to crouch forward and lean into the slope. The rocks weren't as slippery as they appeared the water was clear and fresh looking. We stopped to have a drink. Oh, that felt good it was fresh and clean. “Look at that view. “He said. “Wonderful isn't it? Just get rid of the Industrial Estate in the middle. “I said. “I wish the water would come and wash it all away “He said. “I know what you mean” I said.

The path became more man made with steps and benches along the route. The river disappeared down the valley. The path now had a fence. I started to tell him about my work, my travelling and why I was there. I stopped to read a sign about wool making in the area. There were water mills here a long time ago. “There's the old mill “. He said point at a large four-story building. It's now made into flats.” Finally, he said “This is where I go home.” Are there shops down there?” I said. “Yes” he said. “I'm Richard I said and shook his hand.” James “He said and patted me on the back of my hand with his left hand. “Good luck and take care “I said. I headed for the shops.

My Love 27/12/2010

What is it with words that makes me want to express how I feel about you? Love is such a mysterious thing.

Why me? Why here? Why now? Do I deserve this love? It is requite. You are all to me. I want you near me so badly. How can I go on like this? So far apart but so near in love.

You are with me in my day when I wake in my thoughts. What is it that draws me to you? Is it your beauty your life? I am so lonely in the self what can I do now without you? I was fed full of desires all to lead me astray. Have I come through all these now? Are you my destiny? Will we go on and on? My desire is you as it has always been. Since the day I was born.

I have been watching and waiting for you. Nearly falling away, nearly failing. I don't know if I could have gone on any more without you. What was the point? I grew in faith without you.

But now I have you I am complete I am whole. I do not know all about you. But I know enough to see you and me through. You are the other half of me. I am the other half of you. What shall we do? What shall we be? That is written in time. All I know is that you are mine.

Religious Things 15/12/2004

Religion is designed to be used by people who want to change themselves from the inside.

Like any tool it can be used for good or evil.

God challenges man to change. This can lead to all sorts of reactions. The best is a quiet acceptance on the spiritual path. The worse is violence towards others by anger and resentment.

The first reaction is focused inside the man. The second reaction is focused outside the man.

The first man allows God to change him. The second man desires to change the world to be subservient to him.

The first man explores his feelings.

The second man banishes them as he knows he can't justify himself through his conscience.

The first man is guided by the truth in his conscience. The second man is guided by deception outside his conscience.

One has humility which demonstrates the grace of God.

The other seeks vengeance which is the will of Satan.

Both are religious men. Both are fanatical supporters of their faith. Both are seeking justification.

Though one is with God and lives, the other is destroyed by Satan.

Suppress 1995

We must suppress the people. May they remain asleep, so I can control them. May their homes be like flats in a large building, all the same. May all men be the same in the wrong context, meaning the same in the world. May they perish where they are and a new man fills his place. No better man, just a different man. Who in the world will be the same as the last.

Make him think he is working for a good cause, make him content in himself. But he remains silent, he remains asleep. Give him things that will keep him asleep. Make him struggle in life always. So, he may never see beyond his block of flats. May he marry in sin, so he continues his struggle; tie him down to his family. So, he will despise what is really good for him. He will hate the ways people choose that are good for him. Make him think he is free when really, he isn't, chain his soul.

If he dares to create anything which is from himself, tell him it is rubbish. Make him throw it away. Don't give him anywhere to go to get away from this routine. Don't give him a place where they accept him as he is, where when they give praise, they praise together. When they sing they sing together. When they love they love together, and when they move on they move on together.

Final reading of book 24/10/2015

Lord I want to do more work for you mean more in you. Banish me from apathy. Give me a commission that is irresistible to others who are true kind and just waiting for you to come into their lives. Give me the keys to their hearts. So, they may see what I have seen. The awesome power of you to change their lives so they start to live again in you. Put me in the right place and give me the words so you can penetrate their busy lives with your love. Make them see how wonderful life is in you. And how dull and cold it has been without you. Give me the words Lord that penetrates their hearts. So, you can work in them so they will live with you at their head and ruling in their heart.

[RW1]